Mindset Moments
Have you ever found yourself overloaded because you can’t say no? I definitely have and still struggle with this sometimes (old people pleaser habits die hard!).
You can picture it can't you...you’re at your desk, juggling deadlines, when a colleague leans in: “Could you just…” and before you’ve even processed what they’re asking, your mouth has already said “Yes, of course!”.
You walk away annoyed, not at them, but at yourself. Why does this keep happening?
Many people struggle with boundaries because of three intertwined reasons:
1. Fear of letting people down - saying “no” can feel like rejecting a person, not a request.
2. Identity as ‘the reliable one’ - if your self-worth is tied to being helpful, saying no can feel like betraying yourself.
3. In-the-moment autopilot - you don’t give yourself the pause to consider, that this is is actually a request (with a choice) and what you actually want or can handle.
The result? Overcommitment, resentment and a slow leak of your time, energy, and confidence.
Saying “yes” might feel easier or safer, but it can lead to feelings of resentment, exhaustion and a complete loss of sight on your own needs, wishes and wellbeing. This boundary blind-spot happens when we don’t fully realise how much of us or time we’re giving away or why it’s hard to refuse.
Here’s how to start setting boundaries that protect your time and energy without guilt:
Tips for setting boundaries:
Notice your "yes" triggers:
Try noticing when and why you say yes. Is it out of fear of disappointing, guilt, or wanting to be liked? Awareness is the first step to change.Use a ‘pause phrase’ before you answer:
When someone asks for your time, you don’t owe them an instant reply. Train yourself to say: “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” or “I need to see what’s on my plate first.”
This small pause interrupts your autopilot “yes” and gives you the space to decide based on facts, not fluster.
Define your non-negotiables:
Boundaries are easier to hold when you’ve already decided what matters most. Write down 3–5 things that are your current priorities, whether that’s family time after 6 pm, keeping Fridays meeting-free, or protecting focus time for a key project. Anything that threatens those priorities gets an automatic no.
Practise low-stakes ‘nos’:
You don’t have to start with your boss’s biggest request. Try it on small, safe situations, like declining to swap a shift at late notice, saying no to an event you don’t want to attend, or not picking up the phone when you’re busy. The more you flex your ‘no’ muscle, the easier it becomes to use it in bigger moments.
Remember that boundaries aren’t rigid walls, they’re gates. They protect your time and energy so you can say yes to the right things. When you don’t set them, you’re essentially letting other people’s priorities outrank your own. Every “no” you say to something that drains you is a “yes” to something that matters.
“No is a complete sentence.” — Anne Lamott
If you’ve been overcommitting for years, you don’t have to overhaul your life overnight, you can start with just one conscious “pause before yes” moment today.
If you’d like support in making boundaries feel natural instead of scary, let’s talk. Why not book a FREE coaching intro call.
Hi I'm Zoë Schofield
Your dedicated Career, Life & Personal Development Coach.
Clarity + Courage for Crossroad Moments
I help people navigate career crossroads, life transitions and everything in between... through curiosity, clarity, confidence and perhaps a little humour too along the way!
I've been where you are; successful on paper but unsure what's next, perhaps pulled in too many directions and craving something more aligned. My coaching is practical, human and gently challenging. No pressure to have it all figured out, just real support to help you reconnect with what matters and take action from there.
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