Mindset Moments
There's something on your list, isn't there...you know the thing, I'm guessing it's probably been there a while.
Not the shopping list, not necessarily the emails, I'm not even talking about the stuff that nags loudly and gets done out of sheer necessity.
The 'other' thing. Resist the urge to scroll on by this, or close your eyes, or say to yourself 'I know but...'
I am talking about the thing that keeps quietly reappearing. That you've been meaning to get to when things eventually calm down, when you've got a clearer head, or when the timing feels more right.
It might be a conversation you've been putting off because now just doesn't feel like the right time or you don't know what to say anyway. Or a decision you keep circling...round and round...getting dizzy until vertigo kicks in. Maybe it's a change you've been thinking about for longer than you'd care to admit. On the other hand it could be a project, a plan, something that matters to you but somehow never quite makes it to the top of the pile.
I know this, because I had my own version of it this month.
And just one of those things was this blog.
It's not laziness and it never was.
The thing is, there's something that most of us get completely wrong about procrastination. We think it's a character flaw, a sign that we're just disorganised, undisciplined, or frankly a wee bit lazy. We give ourselves a hard time about it, which makes the whole damn thing worse, because we then give ourselves more of a hard time...off we go again...round and round it goes.
Sorry to bring in the 'research' word at this point...but bear with me, because it does tell us very different story.
That procrastination isn't a time management problem....it's fundamentally an emotional one.
What we're actually doing, when we delay something, is avoiding the way that task makes us feel. It's not that we are avoiding the task itself. It's the feeling we experience.
Those feelings...here they come, arriving on cue...anxiety, self-doubt, perfectionism, fear of getting it wrong, even the low-level guilt of knowing you should be doing something, these are all genuinely uncomfortable within your body. And so, your brain, being a very efficient and rather unhelpful machine at times, decides that the short-term relief of not doing it is better than the discomfort of starting.
Every time we avoid the task, we get a little hit of temporary relief. The brain then files that away as: avoidance = comfort. Then it gets harder and harder to start. So you see, none of this makes you lazy...but all of it makes you human. Phew...thank goodness I know I still am one!
So what was I actually avoiding?
A question I often ask clients too...is not "why haven't you done it?" but "what does doing it bring up for you?"
In my case, honestly? A combination of things. A busy period where the blog felt like something I should do rather than something I was energised by. Then there was the subtle, nagging pressure to make it good enough, which in itself started to make it feel weighty. If I'm honest with myself, the simple truth is that I hadn't planned well, I was putting too much pressure on myself to write something powerful and I was juggling too many spinning plates and ran out of arm spinning time to keep everything going.
It wasn't anything dramatic, it wasn't deeply psychological. But it was just...very ordinary human stuff.
But that's the thing...it is almost always what it is, human stuff getting in the way.
When my clients tell me they've been putting something off, like a difficult conversation, the job application, the career pivot they've been thinking about for two years...it's rarely because they're incapable or unmotivated. It's almost always some version of: it feels uncomfortable, I'm not sure I'll get it right, plus there are seventeen other things that feel more immediately pressing right now.
The things we put off are usually the things that matter most
Here's the bit that I find genuinely fascinating...whilst also a tad confronting.
We tend not to procrastinate on the things that don't matter. We're not putting off a our next Netflix binge, munching our way through the remaining Easter biscuits or scrolling through our phone in some kind of numb trance. But we procrastinate on the things that mean something to us, the things that carry some weight around here.
You know...the blog where you actually want to provide valuable insights, tips and tricks. The business idea that you know people are waiting for. The honest conversation with your manager that could change things for you (and probably them). The decision about whether this career still fits who you are now. The time you keep meaning to carve out for yourself.
We delay those things because they do actually matter to us. Because they carry some risk of getting it wrong, of it not being good enough, of having to actually commit to something and then be accountable for it. Even the mention of this begins to bring those feelings we talked about earlier!
Which means, on some level, the thing you've been putting off is probably worth paying quite close attention to.
Three things that actually help (and one thing that definitely doesn't)
The thing that doesn't help...is being very mean to yourself about it. Honestly, it might sound a bit silly to say that but shame and self-criticism aren't going to create any kind of quality momentum. They'll probably create more avoidance if anything.
Giving yourself a hard time is itself a bit of a procrastination strategy I guess...you feel like you're doing something about it, but sorry to say this...you're not.
What does help:
Lower the barrier to starting.
Stating the obvious maybe, but the hardest part is almost always beginning. It's not the finishing, it's not even doing it brilliantly...it just starting.
I finally sat down to write this by telling myself I just needed to get the first paragraph out, take my first small step. It didn't have to be a perfect blog, I just needed to start with the first sentence, getting down what was on my mind, which did then lead to that first paragraph and then I got my momentum.
You see, once you're in it, the resistance usually drops significantly.Ask what you're actually avoiding.
Not 'why' you haven't done the thing...because if you notice, that often leads us to excuses. But 'what feeling' are you trying to sidestep here? Maybe it's fear of judgement? Uncertainty about the outcome? Or a touch of perfectionism dressed up as high standards?
Getting specific about the emotional blocker is usually far more useful than writing yet another to-do list that just gets carried over from day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month...or longer!Give yourself proper permission.
Let's avoid here the kind of sarcastic or ironic permission. We're talking about real permission from you to you. Allow yourself to do it imperfectly. Allow yourself to adjust the timings if that makes better sense, to start small if need be...just the first tiny step towards the thing. Give yourself permission to be a human being that doesn't have an unlimited amount of time and energy to get everything done on schedule.
That's the permission we need to be allowing, a genuine one that's acknowledging how you feel and begins to lift the weight that was making starting feel so hard.
And on that note...
A word about permission
If you are also late on something. If there is a thing you've been putting off, avoiding, meaning to get to, circling around but not landing on...can I give you something?
Permission to be late. I'll also give you permission to start today, even if you think you should have started last month.
And while we're at it, I'll give you permission to not have a good reason, or a tidy explanation, or a neat story about why it didn't happen when it was supposed to.
Sometimes life is full, priorities shift and things that were in the plan don't make it off the list. Because?....well just because. By the way, that's not failure, it's the reality of the somewhat chaotic reality of being a busy human trying to do your best.
What matters is what you do next. Most of all, instead of me giving the permission...you know it's best if it comes from you.
And if there's something bigger you've been putting off...
Sometimes what people are avoiding isn't a blog or a task, it's a bigger question.
Perhaps a decision about whether where they are is still where they want to be. Or a growing sense that something needs to change but the thought of actually changing it feels enormous, so it's much easier to just...not look directly at it.
If any of that sounds like you, I'd genuinely love to have a conversation.
No pressure, no sales pitch, no being told what to do. Just a free 30-minute introductory call where we can think it through together and work out whether coaching might help.
A final thought
The blog got written....yippee! Later than planned, imperfectly scheduled, with a healthy dose of self-honesty about why...and I hope some food for thought and valuable insights for you. Definitely not perfect...but after all...progress is better than perfect!
And here's what I want to leave you with.
Done, imperfectly and late, is still infinitely better than not done at all.
Whatever your version of this blog is...the thing you've been avoiding, delaying, meaning to get to...remember it doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't need to arrive on time. It just needs to happen, when you're ready, from wherever you are right now.
"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." ~ Zig Ziglar
And from me: "The thing you keep putting off is usually the thing most worth doing. Start anyway...be imperfect today."
Remember, if you’re curious, you can book a FREE introductory call below.
Hi I'm Zoë Schofield
Your dedicated Career, Life & Personal Development Coach.
Clarity + Courage for Crossroad Moments
I help people navigate career crossroads, life transitions and everything in between... through curiosity, clarity, confidence and perhaps a little humour too along the way!
I've been where you are; successful on paper but unsure what's next, perhaps pulled in too many directions and craving something more aligned. My coaching is practical, human and gently challenging. No pressure to have it all figured out, just real support to help you reconnect with what matters and take action from there.
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